She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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