Texts From Last Night · shawnschexy's Favorites

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shawnschexy's Favorites Texts:

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(503): View more from Oregon

there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion

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