Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (518)

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Last Night in New York (518)

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(518): View more from New York

The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing

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(518): View more from New York

ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU

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(518): View more from New York

Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.

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(518): View more from New York

So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me

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(518): View more from New York

There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."

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(518): View more from New York

Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.

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(518): View more from New York

It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me

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(518): View more from New York

Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off

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