Last Night in Florida (813)

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• (813): View more from Florida

  It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are

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• (813): View more from Florida

  And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?

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• (813): View more from Florida

  You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......

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