Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
