I'll bet she douches with gravy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
