So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
