Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
