I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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