She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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