I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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