When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
