So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
