i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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