I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
