you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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