chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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