idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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