i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
