dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
