She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
