Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
