So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
