Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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