Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
