He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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