Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
