there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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