I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
