I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
time to smoke my breakfast
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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