He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
