I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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