They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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