I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
