why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
