I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
