I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
