i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
