I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My feet surprised me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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