Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
