My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
