I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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