really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
