I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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