If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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