Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
