dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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