Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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