I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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