I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
